Policy

The SCM removed their MCU bashing press release. Bravo! Good form!

They also passed a policy at their 2012 AGM to allow US based midwifery schools to apply for assessment and recognition, at the schools expense... and they stipulate that students of the program are not allowed to be the ones to apply.  Based on my experience of risking my emotional well being and the loss of what once was a key relationship in the birth community, I would agree that the pressure should not be-fall any student to have to fight for and defend their school.

In my most recent contact with the authorities I was told "this isn't personal Diane, it's not about you. We're just following the law..." to which I replied, "but you are actually driving the policies that create the law." This was followed by a few words of wisdom about how we used to allow people to drive without seat belts and there didn't used to be any laws about smoking. And now we have laws about this. Compared to how we used to allow apprentice trained midwives to practice midwifery and now we don't... well we do but not without some extra "Canadian specific" training.  (in case the midwife apprenticed in Mars or someplace really different than Saskatchewan... like say... Montana! Actually, we didn't used to allow it.  It was A-legal for many years for anyone, regardless of degree or education or lack thereof; to practice midwifery in Canada... period. To compare anti-smoking laws to anti-US based midwifery program laws (:)) is a very apples to oranges twist.  However, you can't always breath logic in when you are emotionally attached to an outcome.

I entered that conversation, olive branch waving in front of me and came away with no leaves left on it.  For me and some of my peers around the country,  this IS personal. The call to midwifery, the honor of attending birth and the integrity of having the legal capacity to learn under local midwives. The day that birth and the issues that surround birth becomes something that isn't personal is the day I'll stop being a birth worker.

It's really hot in my kitchen... but I'm not going to stop cooking in it.  Today on the menu, ground nut soup and sun dried tomato scones. mmmm

Hope you are enjoying the heat!

Yes, this blog is a blend of my personal and family life and my business and school life.  Because I have put out considerable energy to ensure that there is room in each of these areas for each other. I am committed to not doing things that don't work with my hope to live a life I can be pleased with when I look back at it later on.

The waiting place

Mama Goose is heading south... some more

The past year has been so much about trying to solicit changes at the local level that I've lost myself in the political process a bit.  I didn't get as much school work done as I would have liked and my sleepless nights were usually connected to Doula births.  I reflect warmly on having been in a part of the world where I was allowed to and welcomed to practice and learn every day. It was Baptism by fire in some ways but in others, it felt as natural as if I had been catching babies my whole life.  And to come back to my home and spend a whole year wondering if all that was real because here at home I am not allowed to practice leaves me feeling unwelcome.

Midwifery education was not available in Canada until 1993 when the first program opened in Ontario. This means that we have a 20 year old system that drives a 4 year old regulatory body on policy and legislation in our community.  I might let my 20 year old drive but I sure wouldn't put my 4 year old behind the wheel of a tonne of steal.  You get my meaning? The fact remains that students from U.S based programs were allowed to apprentice here before regulation, that there are currently Registered Midwives practicing in Canada who came through the same U.S based programs and work alongside Canadian RMs, some of for whom Apprenticeship training and PLEA was all they had. But then it was A-legal so no one was watching... most of the time.

 

It's hard not to take all of this personally and try as I might to take a more refined and patient approach, I continuously fall into this web of confusion. Wondering why our local midwives appear to accept so many of the restrictions placed on them since regulation was declared; I struggle with feelings of anger and frustration that this newborn system is so rigid and closed. Regulation in 2008 brought publicly funded midwifery to Saskatchewan. But it has also brought issues that do not afford the local midwives the autonomy to choose their students. The Saskatchewan College of Midwives is very young and it appears to be operating from a place that is extremely difficult to understand and/or accept.  One result has been that many aspiring midwives, who cannot access Canadian midwifery education programs have been stuck in...

"The waiting place"

 

http://papahere.com/the-waiting-place/

Meanwhile...

I've waded into the waters of unassisted home birth, believing with my whole heart that a woman should and must be honored if this is what she chooses.  I've seen the satisfaction on a woman's face when she see's her baby and is changed forever by the fact that she knew what to do. Where I had, literally, no role to play other than that of a friend.  That is such an incredibly beautiful moment to witness. Many women are staying home longer in labor even if they plan to move to the hospital. For some, this helps them to prevent unwanted and often un-neccessary interventions. For others, they out-wait the baby and do not move from their homes, proving that birth does not need to be a medical event and that location is not the most important factor for safe, healthy birth.

Recently there was some activity on the SCM website, www.saskmidwives.ca suggesting that some people have been holding themselves out as midwives and that this is illegal. Alongside a press release, targeting the one school that challenges existing policy by suggesting that students be given the privilege of 'studenting' legally under the supervision of Saskatchewan Midwives. My attempt to translate..."We won't let our midwives work with you as students because you're not real students." Oh and "We're watching you to make sure you don't use what you know because you shouldn't be doing so without supervision." Hmm??  

*side note - when I was little, I always loved The Velveteen Rabbit http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html  I always thought the skin horse was a pretty class act, the way he (or maybe she) spoke so kindly but directly to the little rabbit.  Sometimes it does hurt to become real. But the rabbit clung to every word of the skin horse. I think it was my favorite * 

For the record, the opposite is actually true: As a student of midwifery, an aspiring midwife. I receive at least 5 calls per month (some get a call per day) from women who ask if I will attend their planned home birth because they were not able to get a midwife.  The women know that I have some training, that I am not finished and that I can't legally attend them, that I could be fined or go to jail if I do.  And they ask anyways. Because they know something that the rest of society seems to have forgotten... women need women when they are in labor.  Women need to be empowered, not scared or threatened. If they are scared to go to the hospital, can't get an RM and would settle to have their mothers best friends former room mates uncles niece with them at home, the message may be that we should have a look at the flaws in the system? Yes?


And then... I go back to the drawing board and try to crack the code of understanding and all I can figure is that regulation has instilled an overpowering ark of fear over my community. I am left with a deep understanding of why women choose not to go to the hospital, even if it means that they are alone.  It is not that I am seeking out such opportunities but I will not hide the fact that I have been there. It is my intention to become a midwife. And everything about that IS personal to me AND to the mother's who would like to have their baby land softly into my hands... or their own for that matter. 


There is a small group of like minded students who form the Saskatchewan Midwifery Students Coalition. We might be stronger as a group. Email me if you're interested in getting involved.  softbirth@gmail.com - Even if you aren't studying midwifery, consider joining us. Especially if you have another degree of some sort in law, political science, journalism, etc.  This may not happen while I'm still a student, but I'm not going to stop trying. Midwives (and even student midwives) know how to wait... Even if our system is stuck at the shoulders...Perhaps a little Gaskin Maneuver might help http://guerrillamamamedicine.wordpress.com/2009/12/23/1868/  - I will continue to pray for a miracle, for understanding and for the midwives to be allowed to teach the next generation what we really need to know. 

The little fellow that affirmed for sure that this is my life's work.

Dear Karma,
I'm in a really groovy place with my academics right now. It turns out that even though I have been somewhat distracted the past year, I've still managed to learn some very cool things about birth and women and babies. Getting some work done every day to bring me closer to finished and discerning the difference between a commitment and a wish is helping.  And I think I see a light. It's kind of tiny but I'm sure that's what I'm seeing.  I love what I'm learning, even the really challenging content.  I just keep hearing a still small voice saying "it's challenging because you're dealing with human life." I embrace that idea and commit to giving it my best. When I am about to  learn a new skill such as suturing or blood draws, I have a moment where I realize that I didn't think I'd ever be learning such things. Then I see myself doing the skill and by the time I get my first "hands on" moment, it is as if something inside me knew how to do it.  I may have been nervous and I don't get it right every single time but I haven't hurt anyone and that was my biggest fear. 


This had to happen in an environment outside of Canada, where I was allowed and welcomed. I am seeking a placement where I can stop waiting and keep practicing and learning. There seem to be a few options in front of me, all of which include ocean water (my favorite). Our life is allowing for this to happen and by the grace of God, I should be finished within the year and applying to whatever bridging process exists by then. Please keep up the good karma my dear ones :)  Now, back to class.

Worry

wor·ry  (wûr, wr)

v. wor·ried (wûrd, wr-), wor·ry·ing, wor·ries (wûrz, wr-)

v.intr.

1. To feel uneasy or concerned about something; be troubled. See Synonyms at brood.

2. To pull or tear at something with or as if with the teeth.

3. To proceed doggedly in the face of difficulty or hardship; struggle: worried along at the problem.

v.tr.

1. To cause to feel anxious, distressed, or troubled. See Synonyms at trouble.

2. To bother or annoy, as with petty complaints.

3.  a. To seize with the teeth and shake or tug at repeatedly: a dog worrying a bone.

     b. To attack roughly and repeatedly; harass.

     c. To touch, move, or handle idly; toy with: worrying the loose tooth with his tongue.

n. pl. wor·ries

1. The act of worrying or the condition of being worried; persistent mental uneasiness. See Synonyms at anxiety.

2. A source of nagging concern or uneasiness.

Good Morning, 

We are setting out in a few hours to take my son to see a specialist about his sleep apnea. This cub is now 18 years old and has an apnea every 2-3 minutes which renders him half awake all night and half asleep all day. We've tried the CPAP but he doesn't tolerate it. The sleep studies show that he has a central apnea meaning brain based and he never really hits a REM cycle. However, he was born with something called Beckwith-Wiedemann Syndrome. Worth looking up for those who advocate EBF. Because while rare, children with it have anatomy that can interfere with nursing. In my son's case, it took us 4 months to determine that he was starving. Nursing only appeared to be working well and it wasn't until we supplemented that he started to thrive.  

Because of his anatomy, they feel his apnea can be stopped. If he has surgery, they think they can take the pressure off his airway. The hope is that relieving his airway will help him breathe and if he can breathe, they think his brain will get the hint and inch up to the point where he might get to REM sleep.

I ask for your prayers that I am doing the right thing as a mother. As I venture out, I realize that I have a very heavy heart over this.  We think we are so "super" as Mom's when we can juggle EVERYTHING. But you know, sometimes we load up our time and misplace our energy so we can avoid hurt and fear. This young man has been a gift to my family and there is nothing about his personality that I would ever change. This very night he had me laughing till I was welled up with tears. He asks the best questions and takes so much literally such as pulling your leg, not on the top of my head and where ARE your manners? 

Please God, let's get this guy some good quality zzz's... oh and I don't mind if the snoring stays. We're used to it by now :)

Love, 

Mama Goose

Yesterday was International Day of the Midwife. I tried to celebrate as a student midwife by setting my intentions to gentle up and try to relax with what I know to be true. I was blessed to spend most of my day with other birth workers who love and care about Mama's and Babies.  I am attending a workshop for baby wearing educators http://www.facebook.com/CDNBabywearingSchool or canadianbabywearingschool.com/?page_id=8hosted by the lovely Kirsty Snowsell http://www.thedanceshack.ca/ and being held at Birth Rhythms & Mothers' Melody http://www.birthrhythms.ca - http://www.facebook.com/MothersMelody

My intention in going to this has been for some time. I wanted to be able to extend my understanding of the importance of skin to skin contact between Parents and Babies beyond the hours and days following birth. I have both felt and witnessed the profound impact that close physical contact can have on the Mama's state just following a birth. When they can see, touch, smell and even taste each other immediately following and for the first few hours, both adjust to everything more quickly. I have also felt and witnessed the profound impact of not having contact at all or of it being very limited.

Having sold a number of baby wearing products over a few years, I always felt so incompetent about trying to teach the parents how to use them. In my own babies early years, they were tied to me with the antique snugli, half a twin sheet, a MEC back pack and a ring sling. In addition to all of this, they endured being carried around in a bucket and strollers.  Every day in my life now, I see how resourceful the women around me are and when I look back, realize how very little I knew as a young Mom. Each of my births empowered me in various ways and having started out as someone who was very much dis-empowered and uninformed, I sometimes wish I could go back.

I remember bringing Emily home from the hospital. I don't remember why but my parents picked us up from the hospital to drive us back to Athabasca. My Father muttered under his breath as he watched me struggling with the car seat "we didn't need these when you were babies...mutter mutter." I argued that I was not prepared to risk my daughter's safety because he was choosing to be a curmudgeon. In the same way as I found myself thinking yesterday "why no strollers? why no bucket?" Then it struck me that many of the women I serve tend to wear their babes with them.

I was really pleased with many of the connections Arie makes between our culture and breastfeeding and that the extension to this is baby wearing. For me, wearing my babies close to me was pure intuition. I had no idea about the physiology of the baby, the hormonal connections, etc. It was just that when I buckled to the "norms" of the bucket and that separation, something in me always ached to have them close to me.  Everything else was counter-intuitive.  My only do-over if I could go back would be to go back as empowered as I am now.  Luckily (and luck is a big factor), my kids seem to be okay. I am not a fan of getting stuck in guilt over what I would do differently. But I am a fan of having a little glimpse now and then. Pausing to reflect on what I would do differently and how I can be a part of empowering this and the next generation. I can do so by learning as much as I can so that I can competently teach in a way that is correct.  For this reason, I am loving on this teacher. It helps that she is a horse woman and that she has some good Celtic guts.

There is enough scientific research to say that there are real, short and long term benefits. If we can teach parents how to wear their babies with them more of the time, this is one more step to healing the world. I believe healing the world must start with pregnancy and birth. I am inspired by this belief. http://vimeo.com/13332305

In the mid-afternoon, I slipped out with my friend, Grace. http://www.touchofgrace.info/Touch_of_Grace/Welcome.html - If I was birthing again, I would want Grace and Christine http://www.freshjoy.ca/birthexperience by my side.  Grace suggested we go to the Midwifery Clinic to celebrate International Day of the Midwife. I was reluctant because I am struggling with the impact that regulation is having on the outcomes of students in my community. I have spent so much of the past year feeling on the fringes as a student and was having a bit of a sulk over it.  But I knew I should go. I just knew I needed to gentle up, that I could move forward more easily if I went with a little 'Grace.'  As it turned out, it was a good decision. Thanks Grace :)

Now, onto more learning!

Started my day with my two youngest who managed their morning beautifully and beat the clock for school.  The earlier bedtimes are working very well for all 3 of us.  Had delicious espresso with my little friend Syd and her Mom and set off to home for some homework. Working on a practice guideline do-over for Midwifery 447. I think I'm getting the hang of the PG's and it turns out they are not rocket science.  I am waiting for a nice apple crisp to come out of the oven so I can test it before I feed it to the kids for dessert tonight. Now, if I only knew what to make for the actual supper?

My Soul Sister, J called to say that her Mom had a heart attack and I wish I could be there to support her in the way she has held me up so many times before. The saving grace is that she has her sibs, who as we grow older we seem to appreciate more and more.  J... if you need a little piece of my heart or just a shoulder to lean on, just say the word okay? And don't forget to give your Mom that little pep talk for me too.

My blood sister sent an email that she is doing relay for life... I thought it seemed a bit odd that she would be doing this and I read her personal page. Turns out she is doing the relay for me since I had what I like to think of as "a touch of cancer" this year. Because we have no cancer in our family to speak of, I was quite surprised to have had to deal with such a thing. I felt very private about it during the process of kicking it's butt to the curb and was careful only to share with a few people... some prayer power and karma healing, just in case. I also didn't tell facebook since I have so many people on facebook that I'm not extremely close with and I'm not great about answering personal questions about my health.  In hind site of course I can talk pretty freely and comfortably about this but still won't opt to do so publicly.  In any case, I was very moved to know that my sister thought to raise money for cancer research. Wouldn't it be cool if we could find a common cure during our lifetime?

Enough kinetic break time. Going to pour a little tea and finish the PG.